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foolishtoresist Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "foolishtoresist" journal:

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August 17th, 2010
06:42 pm

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Ancient
The smell of fear in sweat, she reeks of the terrified girl she used to be
The terrified girl she can still be when pushed to the limits of what is reasonable,
questioning whether or not she is worthy
Constantly scanning her horizons, looking for signs of life,
A pulse other than her own, to listen to as she falls asleep at night
trying to hold everything in her hands at once, placing nothing on the shelf
Apart from herself, leaving nothing to chance except the final moments, the defining moment of the plan
Is cast into the wind and floats freely on the breeze
To be discarded as she pleases, to be pleased as she discards it, free from those who try to harness it
Those who won't ever understand that she could never understand.
Let alone wait around to hold their hand throught trials that tire and tame her
With bonds designed to chain her to the rocky earth that made her
Even though her body flows with waters that have fed dinosaus and mighty oaks,
Been rivers and oceans all untold depths of life and light and dark and death
Wet lips for the story-teller's rasping breath as they decant the wisdom of stories buried long ago
and yet, not allowed to grow into anything more than what you can use, abuse, refuse to acknowledge, refuse to leave alone
Name her, shame her, its the only way to tame her
Make her wear that tag around her neck so everybody knows
What she does not.

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12:21 pm

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the problem with dimensions
 But the truth is i'm so very tired
I cant sleep
because im a coward
and i forgot how to speak
if only i could open my mouth
and tell the truth, no matter how
much pain i cause, how much bother made
its not like lives are changed
that much
only one
two
a few....

too few in this fucked up world to mention
you see, thats the problem with dimensions,
there really is no middle ground
There is near and far, past and future
and a present that doesnt really exist
yet is possibly the only real thing as it's
everything in every moment, everywhere at everytime
It is perfect, sublime, omnipitent without judgement
It sees without caring, holds without feeling,
nurtures without interfering, ends without meeting
Is never going to know us or love us,
It is vast yet small, spinning little ball
of molten rock and salty seas
with some earth, some trees, some bees
some ridiculous monkeys
who think they know it all.
They know how to help stop it all but they dont
If they stopped killing each other it would be a start
And soon there will be other things to worry about
I dont even want to think about it
there i really have no idea where to begin
And its all or nothing again,
because who can show the middle ground
My way or Your way.

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12:20 pm

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Live a Second Longer
If only you would hit me just one more time, with that double bass line
I would feel more alive than i have ever been
No more lies, no more blasphemy, just the rhyme and me
As high as I will ever be

Soaring, pouring lyrical knowledge for some deep seated voltage
Coming out of bedrooms around the globe
Stoned and subdued, vivid and rude,
Blinded by the bright lights but it gets you in the mood

To feel the beat, one two three, to know the truth of all you see
To feel the mix, four five six, gotta jump so high to get your fix
And these beats are getting heavy, this M.Cs getting leary 
Gonna show you something scary, ain't got nothing to prepare you baby
For the drop

Everyone can feel it, from the basement to the ceiling,
This concrete jungles breathing in and out, in and out
And that girl you thought was leaving, the one you've watched all evening
Is heading right towards you with a twinkle in her eye, this is no lie
Its just the right time
The right time to move your feet, stamping, trampling defeat
This is the right time to check yourself
But you're not taking shit from no one else

So urban warriors lets start a revolution, find a solution, once and for all
To this mediocre business of this so-called life of ours
Magnolia on the walls, in dead end jobs that never pause
Never thinking of the cause and the effect it has on ours and our choices
Voices lost into the storm, torn from that belly wet and warm
To suffer by your laws
We will lay our lives down just to live a second longer
We will lay down
For the drop

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July 6th, 2010
06:33 pm

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I stubbed my toe so hard it bled, rained down punches on my head
I cried as if the ocean flowed from my eyes, tears for everything i have ever lost or never known,
smashing glass, background noise
of the echo of soulless singing from tinny speaker sets in gardens from east to west
and if only i could stop the ringing in my head
i could go there too,
but wait my head it spins further and further from the truth.
If i could paint over pain like it was last years wall paper,
or find out what was wrong like the long lost loose connection in the TV,
give it a clout, it makes the picture clearer, gather round so we can all see.
Front row seats for the deconstruction of me.

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January 1st, 2010
04:09 am

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Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
So, 2010
I feel compelled to write something, as it is the end of the decade and in fact, the start of a new one. So much, so many things have happened it is overwhelming and I don't really know where to begin. The decade of independence. I left home, went to university, got my degree (just), had one of the most formative relationships of my life, moved around the country for years living out of a bag. I spent time in America, Egypt, Spain, worked on tiny islands on Scotland and in royal palaces in London. I met some of the most amazing people, and lost some of my best friends. I have met and lost and found again. And I am still here. At the millennium I was having my first legal new years drink and now ten years on I am still smoking and drinking the new year in and working behind a bar, but I would like to think, or at least hope, slightly wiser. Although, a good friend of mine once told me that its only wisdom if you learn from it. And I would tend to agree with her. I want to write for hours but I am very sleepy and it will be the new decade for another ten years so I guess I have plenty of time to write about it. Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

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December 21st, 2009
11:35 pm

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heroes
Who are my heroes?
What do I want to grow up to be?
Maybe it should be writers or musical talent that I seek
Not as heroes, but out of a respect born from a love of their craft
Their art, manufacturing the human dream from conception at its start
To the climax of death, defeat in the eyes of all that can be called glory
Immortality just beyond all hope of reach or fear of mind and grasping body

If you have no dreams there are no heroes, only people and respect.

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11:31 pm

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Heavily sedated
Bubble wrapped
Placated
Implicated
The right not to implicate yourself
Implying that you are guilty before you even begin
Original sin
Original din
Background noise
Distorted radiation
Compulsion to run away with nowhere to go
As if merely thinking these thoughts will mean everyone will know
No body knows
Especially not me, what I am doing
Now
Yesterday
Tomorrow

Heavily sedated
Filtering noise out of my life
In through my ears
Stored thoughts repeat themselves
Over and over and over
Humanity screams of routine and themes
Because that is how we like to live
And if we don't then that's unfortunate
Because it never stops
Until its over
You cant get off, there is nowhere to go
Run forever in a circle
There and back again

Bubble wrapped
Heavily sedated
Bubble wrapped
zombies shuffle all day
living dead
dead that are still living
Some who don't want to
And some who go through with it anyway
Heart attack will get you in the end

Attack of the heart, Trojan girl
Carrying internal baggage
Should have seen it coming really
Should have seen it coming
And now its too late, you are inside my skin
And that means we are both trapped here
And I can guarantee you wont like it
I know because I live here all the time

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December 10th, 2009
10:50 pm

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Bluster in a bath tub
We were showering together
For the good of the future
You understand
As we stood there, dripping
Eyes skipping over hips
Curves lips and arcs
You remarked
Cooking up a storm has never been so much fun
Since relocating from the tea cup to the bath tub
There's almost room to swing a cat in here
Although I've no idea why you'd want to
Now a whip, I understand the power there
The gilt of respect born out of pain and fear
But the only spinning us animals should feel
Is the motion of this rock turning in air

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12:05 am

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Used but in good condition
Female
Used but in good condition
Looking to be used some more
Then recycled

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December 7th, 2009
01:26 pm

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So now you tell me life isn't fair
Like i didn't notice or care
Although I'm not always on the ground
Do you think its alright just floating around?

Well, let me tell you something
Its always raining up here
Life with your head in the clouds
Is anything but clear
Thunderstorms and lightning bolts
To dodge and declare
To those below you as they enter
The stratosphere

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